My experiences with death have all been quick. You get a phone call, essentially out of the blue, telling you of the sad news. It comes as a complete shock, and you will be sad that you didn’t get a chance to really say goodbye. I’ve often wondered whether it is easier or harder to cope with death when you know that someone is dying and you get the opportunity for that final farewell.

My grandmother is dying. At 91 years old she has had a long and, I hope, wonderful life. She has pancreatic cancer and is now in palliative care, having been given weeks, or months, to live. While she is doing ok she is staying with my parents. Although we had just been down to Victoria so that both my grandmothers could meet Nathan, I wanted to go back and see Grandma again now that she is out of hospital. I guess this was mostly for me, but also it was for Grandma so that she could spend a little time with Nathan.

I travelled down last Friday and came home again yesterday. I said goodbye to Grandma yesterday, knowing it was probably the last time I would see her (though I will still be able to talk to her on the phone). I wondered then, what are you supposed to say when you are given the opportunity for that final goodbye? We chatted for a while, but in the end I just gave her a big hug and told her that I loved her.

On the plane yesterday afternoon I looked at my 2.5 month old son lying in my lap and knew that he will never get to know his great grandmother. I am richer for having had such a wonderful relationship with my grandmother, and although she is at the end of her life I hope she is a little happier for having had some time with my son who is just starting his.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 24th, 2008 at 4:19 pm and is filed under Family, Nathan's first year. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.