Tandem breastfeeding is not something I thought I’d ever do, if I gave any thought to it at all.   Eh, to be honest, before I actually had a baby and learned a lot about breastfeeding, I had the standard sort of society values that we pick up somewhere along the way in life.  I thought that a baby was too old to be breastfed if it was some ill-defined age which was definitely before the baby was walking and talking.  Then I got pregnant and I started getting some accurate information about breastfeeding.  Not only did I discover that it can be quite difficult to do at the start, but I also learned that extended breastfeeding is not only good for the baby and mother, but it is recommended by agencies such as the World Health Organisation.  WHO recommends breastfeeding to the age of two years and beyond for as long as mother and baby are happy to do so.

I guess that one of the possible reasons that I thought that feeding an older baby was a bit weird is just that you don’t see many, if any, people feeding older babies.  Maybe I just didn’t see it because it never occurred to me that people do that, though now that I’m in that category I still don’t see many people feeding toddlers when I’m out and about.  I stopped feeding Nathan outside the flat a long time ago, so I’m certainly not helping the cause either.  Nathan was rarely interested in breastfeeding when we were out simply because there were new and wonderful things to excite him, and I assume that most toddlers are the same.

I breastfed Nathan beyond 12 months not because it was recommended by WHO, but essentially because Nathan loved it.  It really is a great tool for the parenting toolbox.  Not only does it provide nutrition and antibodies to the child, but it helps the wakeful toddler get to sleep, it calms and soothes a hurt, sick or upset child, and is quiet time and cuddles with Mummy.  With all the trouble we have getting Nathan to sleep, I wasn’t about to wean and have to deal with his sleep in other (generally less efficient and often less happy) ways.  So when I became pregnant with Toby, I figured I’d just keep feeding until Nathan weaned himself at some stage during the pregnancy which I thought he might do.  From what I’d read, many women stop producing much (or any) milk during pregnancy and so the baby weans, or the baby may decide he dislikes the changed taste of the milk and wean. Keeping in mind that Nathan was only 13 months old when I became pregnant, and I thought he wasn’t ready for weaning then anyway, I just thought I’d keep feeding and see what happened.

I should have known that Nathan was such a keen breastfeeder that he wouldn’t give it up even if I was pregnant.   As I got towards the end of the pregnancy I had to start thinking about what I would do when the baby arrived. Trying to deny Nathan the breast only made him very upset, so I figured that the two or three times a day that I was feeding him wasn’t onerous and I could easily do that when the baby was born.  That was when I was thinking rationally while not feeding.  I actually got to hate breastfeeding Nathan, though, because it hurt a lot and was even worse when Nathan wriggled which he did a lot.  I also hated the way he pinched me while he was feeding too.  We ended up with a host of rules including ‘no pinching, no wriggling’.  I was really worried that the hatred of breastfeeding that I felt while I was pregnant would endure and affect my breastfeeding relationship with the baby, but again in my rational moments I assumed that the pain, which mostly caused my negative thoughts about it, would disappear when I was no longer pregnant.

What I didn’t foresee was that Nathan would want to breastfeed more when the baby was born, nor was I prepared for feeding both of them at the same time. But that decision was taken out of my hands hen Nathan decided he wanted to breastfeed when Toby had his first feed in hospital.  Nathan had been through a lot that morning and not only was it a form of comfort for him, but I think it helped him to bond with the baby by gently touching him as he fed.

I’ve been reading a book I borrowed from the Australian Breastfeeding Association library called Adventures in Tandem Nursing – Breastfeeding during pregnancy and beyond.  It is written by Hillary Flower, and I really wish I had read it while I was pregnant.  It is an excellent insight into the emotional and physical side of breastfeeding during pregnancy and continuing to breastfeed a toddler after the new baby is born. It discussed how the milk changes as a baby gets older, and what happens during pregnancy. It talked about some other cultures and discussed the ages of weaning, weaning (or not) during pregnancy and their beliefs on which their decisions were based.  It went into what other mothers have experienced when breastfeeding during pregnancy, and dealt with a lot of other topics as well.  The author explained the negative feelings I had towards breastfeeding Nathan while I was pregnant, and includes a lot experiences from other women so I got an idea of how others did things and dealt with their issues.  It’s really normalised all the feelings and issues I had with feeding while pregnant and tandem feeding.

This parenting gig is a big learning experience.  I’ve learned lots from books,  online sources, sessions in real life with various people, and talking to other mums in all sorts of settings ranging from the informative ABA sessions, meetups with people interested in baby carrying, cloth nappies, elimination communication, my mother’s group, and simply by observing my own babies and how they react to various things.  I’ve had to use my own common sense, learn to trust my instincts, learn to ignore those who don’t support my/our decisions, change my ideas on parenting, and change my mindset on many issues to accommodate Nathan and now Toby’s needs.  No, I never thought I’d tandem breastfeed, but then I never thought I’d co-sleep or practice elimination communication either.  I can’t say that I enjoy it, because I don’t.   What I can say is that it seems to be the best way I can provide for the needs of both my children at the moment.

I went back to read what I wrote when Nathan was 2 weeks old, and it seems that it’s been much easier the second time round in most respects.  Part of that was knowing more about babies, part was that I didn’t have to stay in hospital, part was because I didn’t have surgery this time, and part is probably due to baby temperament. I didn’t have swollen ankles/legs this time, Toby (so far) can be put into the hammock while asleep (in contrast to Nathan who I couldn’t put down because he’d wake up, but then we didn’t have the hammock when Nathan was a newborn) which means I have a little more capacity to do other things around the flat, breastfeeding has been a lot easier and not painful at all this time round, and Toby is generally sleeping around 6 hours at night.  He is a very noisy sleeper, much noisier than Nathan was, and I’m always worried he’ll wake Nathan up!

I wasn’t sure if the group midwifery thing really worked for me, though it was a bit complicated by the fact that Bec had a sick child of her own that she had to look after which meant that I didn’t see her for a couple of my visits, but looking back I think it was a great move.  I didn’t have as many appointments with this pregnancy, and Bec seemed pretty relaxed (she said because I was always so relaxed at the appointments) and so I didn’t even have appointments as often as I was told I would.  Bec even came to the flat for one of my appointments, because she was in the area and thought it would save me a trip to the hospital while heavily pregnant.  It was a little unfortunate that she missed the birth by a matter of minutes, but she did take over afterwards and it was nice to be looked after by someone I knew rather than a hodge podge of hopsital staff.  She then came to the flat three times to check on how Toby and I were going, and I’ll have my 6 week checkup with her in February.  All in all, I think the continuity of care has been a beneficial change, from the point of view of the pregnant woman.  I asked Bec how well it worked from her perspective and she said it suited her, particularly as it was possible for her to juggle her sick child and all his hospital appointments with her work, but because noone now officially looked after the Birth Centre (as your assigned midwife goes to wherever you give birth which obviously may not be in the Birth Centre) there were issues like supplies of various items could run out.  Overall, I was really happy with this new system.  Not only did it provide continuity of care, but I had a phone number and someone specific I could contact if I had any problems along the way.  All they need to do now is offer a homebirth service, which I believe the hospital plans to do at some stage.  🙂

My parents came to Sydney for a week, arriving just 2 days after Toby was born, though they didn’t stay with us this time since we’ve run out of space in our flat to put up an airbed.  They came over every day, though mostly we didn’t do anything terribly exciting and just stayed around the flat.  It seemed really difficult to get out of the flat together, as every time we thought we were ready to go Toby would start crying and need another feed.  We did manage to get to Sydney Park a couple of times where Mum and Dad met up with us.

We had a lovely Christmas.  Andew bought a whole heap of fancy foods and a nice ham on the bone, and mum brought a pudding that she’d made for dessert.  Nathan didn’t really get the whole Christmas thing, but was happy enough to open presents and help others open theirs.

So far I’d say that Nathan is adjusting to having a baby brother quite well, though it all depends on how tired he is. He loves to give Toby kisses, often asks to hold him, brings Toby toys and food, shows Toby how to do something if we say that Toby can’t do it yet (like crawling).  Nathan also wants what Toby has, so Nathan loves to sit in the bouncer, climbs onto the change table to lie there, wants a wrap behind his head in the car (I roll up a wrap and put it beside Toby’s head so it doesn’t roll around in the capsule when we’re driving), and has been wanting to breastfeed much more regularly than he did before Toby was born. Nathan even tries to fit into the car capsule!  It’s also been hard to get him to sleep at night.  I generally try to breastfeed him to sleep because he just will not relax otherwise, but Toby feeds almost constantly at night until he goes to sleep for his 6 hour stint and often I don’t get a window where he’s happy (or asleep) so I can help Nathan get off to sleep.  Andrew has been trying to help, but so far Nathan has only gone to sleep with him once.  The pram has made several appearances when we’ve become desperate, but Nathan knows that we bring it out to get him to sleep and he doesn’t like it and just wails when we put him in it.  He’s so miserable that it breaks my heart…he cries, screams, and ends up saying “Mummy” over and over and over again.  So even the pram isn’t a good option for us these days, as I just don’t want Nathan to be so miserable while going to sleep every night.

Andrew has one more week off work, and I’m almost dreading him going back to work and leaving me with the two kids.  I don’t know how I’m going to manage to get a meal on the table at night as it was always hard enough to manage that before Toby was born.  I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes.

Toby’s first bath (he fell asleep)

Nathan brought Toby a good selection of animals…

…and then read him a book.

Oma with Toby.

Opa with Toby.

Nathan and Toby cuddles.

Toby having his hearing tested.

Toby using his Potty Bowl.

In the car.